Top Funny Facebook Status Updates
Here are some of the funniest I’ve seen so far. Some of them I’ve used myself 
John finds a good question is like a miniskirt. Long enough to cover the essentials, but short enough to keep everyone interested.
seen on profile
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
Jane is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years
John just got a compliment – there was a note on the windshield saying “Parking Fine”.
Jane used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she’s good at everything.
John found out light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Jane is cl.e’a]ni.ng he’r ke]yb28o|a;rd
John: Computer games don’t affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us kids, we’d all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.
Jane found out her library book ‘successful time management’ is weeks overdue….
John: ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP*
Jane: ☆:*´¨`*twinkle twinkle little star…point me to the nearest bar ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶*´¨`*:.☆
John: Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Jane thinks of herself in 3rd person since joining Facebook
John ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
Jane ™ is a registered trademark. All unauthorised reproduction and distribution will lead to prosecution.
John finds automatic doors makes him feel like a Jedi
Jane: Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
John would like to point out that 72.4% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Jane: okay who’s the wise guy putting all the W’s in the M ‘n’ M’s bag?
John says, “before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes, so when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.”
Jane says: Hey baby, wanna come over to myspace so i can twitter ur yahoo til u google all over my facebook?
John is worried – he figured out he’s developed the ability to turn off his alarm clock while asleep.
Jane says we could merge My Space, Facebook, You Tube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT
John says, “I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect.”
Jane says, Love your enemies. It will confuse them!
John knows Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words…
Jane says, “children in the front seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause children”
John says ⓜⓨ ⓟⓞⓢⓣⓢ ©ⓐⓝ ⓣⓨⓟⓔ ©ⓘⓡ©ⓛⓔⓢ ⓐⓡⓞⓤⓝⓓ ⓨⓞⓤⓡⓢ
Jane started time traveling next year
John says Dyslexics are teople poo
Jane is upset she mixed up her voodoo dolls. If you feel any sharp, stabbing pains, please call me and describe the location. Thanks!
John: Since writing on toilet walls is done neither for critical acclaim, nor financial rewards, it is the purest form of art. Discuss.
Jane needs a giant ( ̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅ ̲̅]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅ ) to mend a broken heart
44 Responses to 'Top Funny Facebook Status Updates'
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
on May 29th, 2010 at 8:43 am
Great post, it is pages like this which make information sharing on the internet so powerful and quick!
on July 7th, 2010 at 2:39 am
I used Make-My-Baby.com to see what my baby would look like. I just uploaded a picture of me and my husband and done.
on October 17th, 2010 at 11:30 am
wow fantastic blog i really love it…. look at this as well twink woooo
on October 24th, 2010 at 8:02 am
What a nice post my friend. I am a facebook addict and mostly spend my time playing some games and just chatting out with my family. Surely, there are so many ways we can use facebook and I really love using it. I hope they have something more new to come for all of us.
on June 5th, 2011 at 11:01 pm
Can I simply say what a relief to search out somebody who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet. You undoubtedly know how you can convey a problem to gentle and make it important. Extra folks must read this and perceive this side of the story. I cant imagine youre not more popular because you positively have the gift.
on July 16th, 2011 at 6:59 pm
Good day, We viewed your own web-site inside a brand-new service regarding blogs and forums. I please don’t know the way the web-site came up right up, must have already been some sort of typo, Your site seems in truth. Possess a excellent day time.
on September 25th, 2011 at 2:39 pm
You are awesome!
on October 14th, 2011 at 10:49 pm
Hi there, I found your site via Google while looking for a related topic, your web site came up, it looks good. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
on October 28th, 2011 at 4:09 am
Appealing component to info. I just stumbled on your web site and in accession capital to assert that I get in reality loved account your weblog posts. Any way I will be subscribing for your feeds or even I fulfillment you accessibility continuously rapid.
on December 3rd, 2011 at 5:04 pm
Your blog has inspired me to really change my way of writing. Just saying thanks for your hard work.
on January 23rd, 2012 at 9:24 am
I as well as my friends were found to be reviewing the best techniques located on your site while unexpectedly developed a horrible suspicion I never thanked the web site owner for those strategies. All of the guys became for this reason excited to learn all of them and have in effect actually been having fun with those things. We appreciate you indeed being indeed accommodating and then for deciding on varieties of very good topics most people are really eager to understand about. My honest regret for not expressing gratitude to you earlier.
on February 28th, 2012 at 8:36 am
In the future i hope you prepare more great posts like this one, because it really perked my interests to your blog!
on February 28th, 2012 at 9:48 am
I must say i can see this Frightening Maze Online game publish. I’ve been recently seeking around just for this! Thank goodness I found the idea online. You’ve manufactured our day time! Many thanks.
on March 20th, 2012 at 12:46 am
My coder is trying to convince me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the costs. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using Movable-type on numerous websites for about a year and am anxious about switching to another platform. I have heard good things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can transfer all my wordpress posts into it? Any help would be really appreciated!
on April 8th, 2012 at 3:19 pm
All the Playmates keep talking about it. Apparently it’s some kind of vibrator? Why is everyone talking about it? Is it really that great?. I looked them up on Adam and Eve and there are like 6 different ones? Which one would my gf like?.
on April 21st, 2012 at 3:03 pm
My spouse and i liked them
on May 9th, 2012 at 11:17 pm
hello excellent post – emconsteroids » Top Funny Facebook Status Updates ,If you want more visitors to your blog you should check this out – http://tinyurl.com/ckgqjx9 , l8rs Ethan Leonardi
on May 14th, 2012 at 7:45 am
“@JessicaRages: @Ruruu1 You can borrow any of my cute purses! I got you! <3 Lol” lmfao!!!!
on May 16th, 2012 at 2:14 am
I very much enjoyed this posting, I think our customers could benefit from your thoughts. I’ve added a link to your site on my web site at http://www.vid-e-os.com, Keep up the great writing, I’ll be returning for more.
on June 1st, 2012 at 2:35 pm
Your current internet site arrived right up during my analysis and i have to be attacked by what you could have ready within this written content. I am at this time diversifying my look for and for that reason are not able to bring a lot more, even so, I have saved your web site and will also be finding its way back maintain along with any type of future alterations. Merely love in addition to many thanks for considering my personal thoughts.
on June 19th, 2012 at 3:10 am
Terrific work! This is the type of information that should be shared around the internet. Shame on the seek engines for no longer positioning this publish higher! Come on over and discuss with my site . Thank you =)
on July 28th, 2012 at 6:01 pm
Super-Duper site! I am loving it!! Will be back later to read some much more. I am bookmarking your feeds also
on August 6th, 2012 at 7:13 pm
Thanks for another magnificent article. Where else could anyone get that kind of information in such a perfect way of writing? I have a presentation next week, and I am on the look for such info.
on August 9th, 2012 at 7:31 am
emconsteroids » Top Funny Facebook Status Updates I was suggested this web site by my cousin. I’m not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my trouble. You are wonderful! Thanks! your article about emconsteroids » Top Funny Facebook Status UpdatesBest Regards Yoder
on August 19th, 2012 at 6:21 am
No, this is not a joke. This is real.
on August 31st, 2012 at 5:02 am
Omg! Wonderful post, My husband and I really liked it all. Do you really plan to make sure you carry out a follow-up blog post? You really ought to come analyze my personal site also! it is actually pertaining to profile.
on September 5th, 2012 at 1:02 pm
Hey ! Il s’agit vraiment d’ un écrit cool, je te remercie de l’avoir partagé. Pour te remercier, cadeau, une ligne pour pouvoir faire du card sharing : F: ram747c sam747gfva 2 0 0 0:0:1,100:3317 #28/05/2011. C’est donné, alors n’hésites pas à l’utiliser et la partager. Bonne journée
on September 10th, 2012 at 3:20 pm
I have to get across my admiration for your generosity giving support to all those that actually need help with this niche. Your personal commitment to getting the solution all through was certainly beneficial and has surely helped most people just like me to attain their targets. The important advice entails a great deal a person like me and even more to my peers. Many thanks; from everyone of us.
on September 12th, 2012 at 4:34 am
I have celine bag observed that in old digital cameras, unique devices help to celine focus automatically. The particular sensors with some camcorders change in in the area of contrast, while others make use of a beam associated with infra-red (IR) light, specially in low light. Higher standards cameras from time to time use Celine uk a mix of both systems and will often have Face Priority AF where the dslr camera can ‘See’ the face and focus only upon that. Thank you for sharing your thinking on this weblog.
on September 23rd, 2012 at 10:59 am
Fantastic information many thanks sharing and reaching us your subscriber list.
on September 26th, 2012 at 10:34 am
Great day! This is kind of off topic but I need to have some assist from an established weblog. Is it quite difficult to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast. I’m thinking about setting up my own but I’m not confident where to start. Do you might have any tips or suggestions? Appreciate it
on October 27th, 2012 at 7:26 pm
Nando shirtless is usually a eyecatcher!
on October 28th, 2012 at 7:57 am
I would be worried, it is really very probable that these cards are MiFare classic… and thats quite previous and cracked.
on October 29th, 2012 at 5:00 am
Wow, awesome blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you made blogging look easy. The overall look of your website is excellent, let alone the content!. Thanks For Your article about emconsteroids » Top Funny Facebook Status Updates .
on November 8th, 2012 at 7:00 am
The insightful fresh posts keep me coming only here very frequently. Thanks a ton.
on November 20th, 2012 at 4:02 am
Hey, I think your website might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your website in Firefox, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, great blog!
on November 25th, 2012 at 3:45 am
Hey there! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a team of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us useful information to work on. You have done a extraordinary job!
on December 10th, 2012 at 11:23 pm
There exists some really cool free software and resources which you can use in an effort to create and spread memes around the internet like wildfire. I located this one page that has lots of free downloads and in addition some info about how to make your memes go viral. (See the URL that I entered) I hope you get as big a kick out of it as I did.
on January 7th, 2013 at 11:03 pm
Keep up the fantastic piece of work, I read few articles on this site and I think that your site is really interesting and holds sets of fantastic information.
on January 15th, 2013 at 11:38 am
Aw, this was a very nice post. In idea I wish to put in writing like this moreover – taking time and actual effort to make a very good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate alot and under no circumstances seem to get something done.
on March 12th, 2013 at 4:40 pm
[...] http://emcons.net/blog/2010/01/15/top-funny-facebook-status-updates/#comments [...]
on March 20th, 2013 at 6:07 am
[...] http://emcons.net/blog/2010/01/15/top-funny-facebook-status-updates/#comments This entry was posted in Uncategorized on March 20, 2013 by ooigf34ghyty. [...]
on April 10th, 2013 at 4:49 am
With your 2nd 7 days, consider by yourself while you arise,louis vuitton outlet purses, right after each meal and also before to sleep while continue to keeping track of your diet program and in what ways you actually weigh. Accept the cocinero crown for example; although regular chief cook crown remains to be some sort of well-liked option much more and a lot more cooking areas will be viewing some chefs together with caps in addition to brain gadgets. Outdoors umbrellas have been continually within the backyard since they can readily protect a smaller area without the need of a lot a headache in conjunction with payment. This is a means of on line marketing and advertising wherein the net readers are focussed right or even circuitously to your web page, so improving a position amongst your own peers through Higher toronto Seo. When we do not take good care of our own little brown eyes, plus bring in these individuals directly to a good the sun’s rays,christian louboutin outlet store, view shall be hurt through those people adverse UV rays. as well as the buyer acquisitions 10 pinto beans per month (14 a 5.30 = $3.Double zero) And so the campaign expense $3,juicy couture outlet stores.00 times Six thousand Equals $18,1000 per month ($216,Thousand per year). This is especially political with areas hardly away from the Jewel Era strenuous at this time there orbit slot machine games including extra troubles with orbit portion. They could as well provide you with guidelines to help you on the amount types of promoting you’ll need and ease each individual phase of advertising campaign. seriously isn’t an uncomplicated little bit of training session and needs yourself to obtain a sure level of fitness prior to actually doing that. Which means that let your eye balls trigger that you seize a couple of incredibly present day in addition to fresh Beam Prohibit Eyeglasses,burberry outlet online. Lyle & Scott Antique attire ended up being graced with an indication complete during 1975 seeing that endorsed clothier for you to HRH your Duke regarding Glasgow. It can be important to secure superior Search engine marketing workers,louis vuitton factory outlet usa, irrespective of whether skilled or self-trained thru videos,juicy couture outlet mall, if you want to raise your e-commerce gross income. There’s been a lengthy debate within the success in the initial technology powers after it is as opposed to not enough foodstuff some people brought about. You’ll want to succeed to write many e-books as if the main reserve stocks it will make the consumer looking more. You ought to over the first time test that no these types of criminal activity scene comes about and if it lets you do then you definately really should surpass a outfit people adorn. Related articles: Number of trusted on line firm concerns tremendous louis vuitton quebec onlineth February Last year Some of us Bedroom among the structurally perfect usually
on April 10th, 2013 at 5:21 am
When you will require brand-new bag, you won’t acquire roughness within it due to the fact premium quality household leather is usually prepared in making purses created by earth and striking. Sad to say Guccio Prada perished with 1953 just as the company was initially starting to generate a world wide existence with all the launching of that to begin with Big apple retail outlet. Additionally, your sale timer increases by the no less than Ten seconds with each bid, allowing for all of buyers to be able to put an attempt equally as they’d have got from a conventional public auction. Subsequently a lot of those time and reports have eliminated straight into realizing Hypnotherapy and it is uses throughout Hypnotherapy to educate yourself regarding come forth with it has the professional medical makes use of even more,chanel outlet online. As a result, for all those who have been looking for easy alternatives to acquire their own most liked Chanel exploring bag, absolutely yes, anyone can invest in a Chanel travelling bag internet. The actual employees will likely be conditioned to help you choose fashionable kind of glasses whenever that you are puzzled for favored gigantic web-site. Each workout routines shall be head by Tony adamowicz Horton, the actual founding father of this original together with helpful plan, that is certainly the first thing which makes the offer exclusive. If Machine Bests by simply dre, that began to absolution Tremendous beats around 08, on their own can take in relation to 1 twelve month in order to ?fulfill that desire? Ray-Ban sun shades include the excellent choice of you want your sun glasses to depict amazing along with basic model mainly because damaged with the superstars, and it’ll previous and appearance excellent with regard to months in the future,louis vuitton outlet. Alexander Wang reworks the iconic Alexander Wang Coco which includes a prosperous camel hued including a wavy sewn sample, and they features try and take all of us a deluxe,insanity workout online, superior but highly processed carryall. Maybe you have was seated set at the key-board, learning everything that you are researching for, however , get guided coming from website to web site in the search for the most beneficial discounts? Items available to buy features,karen millen; gear with Tory Burch and also Lanvin, handbags with Chanel together with Pucci, boots and shoes by Manolo Blahnik as well as Marc Jacobs a whole bunch more. Furthermore, there are many more as compared to all 5 hues designed for these types of Tory Burch Heel Shoes and boots, reddish, sterling silver, african american, rare metal, green, as well as every colouring is unquestionably could very well grab ones consideration. We require pray, hope and adore divorce lawyers atlanta components of all of our existence plus get the job done, and then we also need a set of Adidas sports shoes like Adidas timeless clover. The leading suppliers such as Motorola talkabout, Samsung, Speak, Htc, Sony Ericsson, they are all rivaling one another by fascinating functions, hottest designs and a a number of colours. My spouse and i realized I’d personally endure issues prior to her move, regarding I would absolutely no experience related to art work, however her overall performance have been value of observing, regardless how extended I might watch for,cheap beats by dre? This course of action features 14 Videos in addition to a number of written courses which should educate you on tips on how to actually eat along with which in turn exercise routines to complete every day,louis vuitton purses. Related articles: You may aesthetically reduce the breast area not only by minimizing tankini styl So if something being said about you synthetic version louis vuitton handbagsIt’s not ever a smar